Think back to your childhood. Do you remember when nothing scared you and everything was exciting? Whether it was climbing trees, riding Go-carts, or jumping off the tops of waterfalls, everything was an adventure. Then, as you grew older, into and eventually past your teens, you began to feel weary of the unknown, choosing more often than not to avoid taking risks or seeking out thrills (at least those that were new to you; known thrills are a different matter). Now, you like the products on your bathroom sink to be arranged in a certain way and you always order the same dish at your favourite restaurant.
Whatever happened to that little daredevil who loved nothing more than getting up to all sorts of mischief? The human adult human brain is programmed to gravitate towards habit and comfort. As children, all the parts of our brain are interconnected by innumerable neural pathways, as we are still trying to make sense of the world and our place within it. Every experience is a first time experience with no comparison points, so our brain has to be open to new experiences in order for us to learn lessons and develop into a functional human being with a back catalogue of experiences to draw upon whenever our marvellous computer of a brain comes across a new experience. Our processing power as small children is turned all the way up in order to be able to analyse information that is always new and unknown. Yet as we grow older and our brain stores more and more data upon which it can draw in order to make increasingly faster calculations when faced with the unknown. It also simplifies its neural connections, progressively relying on a smaller number of these information pathways which eventually turn into information highways, and with that, we form habits. We know that certain things bring us comfort or keep us safe, so we stick to what we know.
The problem is that the more entrenched the human brain becomes in its behavioural patterns, the more likely it is to stagnate: thus leaving out intellect to fester in a little prison of routine. Melancholy can quickly take hold, as we look at our meaningless and repetitive life, wondering “Is this how I want to live? Is this who I want to be?”
Now look back to your childhood once more. Think about how exciting things were back then. Your imagination was without limits and anything was possible. The world was your oyster and life was one big game. You connected easily with other children on a level so pure and deep, so different from now when you use the crutch of football or politics in order to create a rapport… Wouldn’t you love to rekindle all of that? To live your life to the fullest… to play again, without feeling self conscious… to find a pure connection with someone who can read that part of you that yearns to be seen and wanted…
This is the essence of kink.
Imagine that you are standing at the top of the world’s tallest slide. You are petrified. The last time that you did something unpredictable or even slightly risky was when you got too drunk at the office Christmas party a few years ago. But now, you are standing at the top of this giant slide and every muscle in your body is shaking from fear. The rush, as you slowly lift your foot off the ground and take a step forwards, isn’t comparable to anything you can ever remember feeling. You gently lower yourself into position, your feet now dangling over the precipice. All it would take is one little push, and the safety of that board under your arse will be gone forever. The sheer terror of the situation makes you feel as though you are having an out of body experience, but you grab the edge of the board under your knees nonetheless… because you need to break the cycle. Your psyche is screaming at you, begging you to rethink, to come back to safer ground, to known territory. You hear it, but you don’t listen. You inhale sharply, and you take the plunge.
There’s an extraordinary sense of liberation that comes from letting oneself break old habits and try new things, and when this is done in the intimate realm of one’s sexuality, it can be a truly life changing experience. BDSM is the adult’s playground: a space where we can explore new identities and renew our connection with our sense of adventure and our imagination. A place to free ourselves of a lifetime entrenched in habit, a place in which to expand our consciousness.
To explore such a rich and magical universe, you need the perfect companion and guide. Someone who creates a safe space for you in the midst of all the excitement and uncertainty of new experiences. Whether as a giver or a receiver, you want them to be an accomplice. Beautiful, charming and experienced, your chosen partner in crime will lead you on the greatest journey of your life… Choose her wisely, and your life will be filled with untold riches.
Now, take a deep breath… and jump.