Happy Valentines, lovers. To celebrate, the heavenly Elle Voss took some time out of her busy schedule being a 24/7 dreamboat to create a London date guide informed by the five love languages. Guaranteed to speak straight to your date’s heart and leave you both deliciously tongue tied.
We all crave it, don’t we? To feel understood, like there’s some version of us that someone else sees and doesn’t flinch away from. Love languages are the shorthand for that feeling; a taxonomy of how we need to be loved, because apparently even connection – the most ineffable of human experiences -demands organising.
Marriage counsellor Dr. Gary Chapman introduced the concept in his 1992 book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. The story goes that after years of sitting with couples locked in arguments about whose turn it was to take out the bins or why they don’t do ‘That Thing’ that you like any more, Chapman realised something: love isn’t one-size-fits-all.
He distilled it down to five main categories: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. These weren’t new ideas, exactly—people have been wooing each other with sonnets and shoulder rubs for millennia—but Chapman gave us a language for talking about how we need to be loved, which is harder to admit than it sounds.. The love languages, for all their simplicity, are a reminder that connection takes effort, attention, and, sometimes, a little translation.
You can discover your own preferred love language here. What follows is a whistle stop tour of the languages; I’ve taken the liberty of projecting some kinky elements onto each language (sorry/not sorry Dr Chapman). For Valentine’s Day there’s also some specially formulated date ideas just for you lovely London lot. I invite you to take the test and then invite your special someone to do the same. Once you’re, ahem, speaking in each others’ tongues, read on and help yourself to a date idea or two (or five)
I couldn’t possibly reveal my own romantically linguistic hand so quickly; read on and try to guess the card that came up trumps for me. There’s quite the prize in store for the winner…
Words of Affirmation
These are the charmers and the charmed, the ones who fall for well-placed compliments and artful whispers. They’re not just hoping to hear “I love you”; they want you to paint it in poetry, with all the messy, glittering specifics of why they drive you crazy in the best way. The magic is in the details: the way their laugh makes your chest feel too tight, or how their mind is always two steps ahead of yours.
For these romantic wordsmiths, dirty talk isn’t just a side dish—it’s the main course. They want to hear you describe, in exquisite detail, all the things you adore about them, from their sharp wit to the way they look in that outfit (or out of it). Praise kink? Absolutely. They’re the ones who’ll light up at compliments whispered in their ear during the act or texted in the middle of a boring workday. And if you’re into a little Dom/sub dynamic, they might melt at the sound of you calling them good—or, let’s be honest, very bad.
Do: It doesn’t just have to be two of you doing the talking. Seek some inspiration by heading to the theatre (I really rate using London Theatre to see what’s on for your chosen date), or head to the Poetry Cafe in Covent Garden (bonus points if you can get to a reading by a favourite author). But my personal favourite? A bookshop crawl. There are some truly beautiful independent bookshops in London. Get to know each other through your favourite books, pick one out for your new private book club, and finish up at a gorgeous restaurant. Which leads me to…
Eat/drink: BookBar for an aperitif/nightcap before heading to Story, where the meal is one big love letter from the chef and the meaning behind each dish is almost as delicious as the dirty talk between the two of you for dessert. More of a lunch situation? Look no further than Books for Cooks. Honourable mentions to spots with handwritten/chalkboard menus like St John, Noble Rot, and Andrew Edmunds.
Acts of Service
For some, a well done is better than well said and these lovers are looking for actions that say: I saw what you needed, and I did it because you matter. They’re the kind who’ll pick you up from the airport at 3 a.m., or fix the leaky tap, or—God help us all—volunteer to put together IKEA furniture. And, let’s be honest, there’s something undeniably sexy about someone who just handles things.
Nothing gets these folks going quite like someone who takes care of things. Imagine them walking in to find you doing their least favorite chore while giving them that “I know what I’m doing” smile. This aligns beautifully with domestic kinks—think housework scenes, service submission, or even power exchanges where one partner takes the reins to make life (and pleasure) easier for the other. Bonus points if you anticipate their needs before they have to ask.
There’s inevitably going to be a lot of kinky overlap between this language and the others. Some of the big ones that come to mind are body worship and facesitting (aka queening for the royalists/theatrical). Because acts of service can be very physical…
Do: My first thought was to advise that you take a class or workshop together. Gravitate towards somewhere like Borough Market where cooking classes are plentiful, or check out one of London’s many bars which double as mixology schools. Or, for the pragmatically romanceable, perhaps the ultimate treat is having someone plan a date for them. Tell them a time and place, and necessary dress codes or requirements, and do the rest.
Eat: Nothing will do but a restaurant with impeccable table-service, naturellement. I’ve always been a little frustrated that the Ritz, for all its traditionalism and danger of fustiness, is actually just really, really good. Out of London, the bucolic loveliness of the Thames goes very well with the tableside theatrics at The Waterside Inn. And, if you want to feel like you’ve hopped across to Paris without the eurostar, Otto’s is a lot of fun. For drinks, get thee to Dukes or The Connaught for a bespoke martini made tableside (vodka, very well-chilled, filthy), and never discount the importance of trolleys bearing things beginning with ‘c’: cheese and/or caviar.
Receiving Gifts
Let’s clear this up: it’s not about expensive gifts—it’s about the clever ones, the thoughtful ones, the ones that say: I was paying attention. The gift is a placeholder, a stand-in for the part of you that remembered their favorite childhood book or the time they said they missed eating clementines. A timeless piece of jewellery they’ve been lusting after is just as valuable as their favorite chocolate you had to hunt down, or even a wildflower you plucked on your way over. It’s not about the thing; it’s the way the gift says you’re on my mind.
People fluent in this language love to be spoiled, and not just with roses and chocolates. They’re the ones who’ll blush when you surprise them with a new toy they’ve been eyeing or a piece of lingerie you’ve been dying to see them in. Gift-giving here can slide into playful objectification—“You’re mine, and this is for my enjoyment and yours”—or a findom dynamic, if that’s your style. It’s all about how the gift says, I was thinking about you—and your fantasies.
Something deeply sexy and deeply generous is a gifted experience. Does your lover have a crush? Organising a delicious duo date with the object of their affection is, in my opinion, a top-tier gift for everyone involved. I’d wager a guess that if your paramour speaks this language a decadent moresome, orgy or sex party with their most intimate friends is like several birthdays rolled into one.
Do: This is really a sliding scale. How big you want to go is truly up to you, but if you’ve got some time I’d recommend a stroll through one or two of London’s excellent markets; Columbia Road Flower Market on a Sunday is a great spot to choose a bouquet together, or you can hunt for keepsakes at Covent Garden Market or the boutiques in Seven Dials. Speaking of private, if your gifting tendencies lean towards the sartorial, a private lingerie appointment is always an outstanding bit of foreplay. I can personally recomend the Coco De Mer showroom (excellent for toys and lingerie alike), the original Agent Provocateur in Soho, or the private Bordelle showroom. Book ahead, and enjoy the champagne and the show.
Eat: I’ve often said that the best part of any menu are the little snacks, the extra bites, the petit fours. The best for these little gastronomic gifts are tasting menus, and the ones I daydream about most are found at Core, Kitchen Table, Ikoyi, Hélène Darroze at The Connaught and Akoko.
Small plates may have received a bad rep of late, but no gift is greater than the last morsel from a sharing plate. Feeding me the last bite of arancini from your fork will make me weak at the knees, actually. Think spots like Sabor, Brawn, Sessions Arts Club, Crispin, 40 Maltby Street, and BRAT.
Quality Time
Arguably the love language that underpins this world of ours, a world of stolen moments with no distractions. Quality timers want to know you’re there—really there, looking at them, not your phone, hanging on their every word. Whether it’s a lazy morning in bed, a long walk that meanders into nowhere, or an all-night conversation over a bottle of wine (or two), this love language whispers, Let’s stop the clock and just be here, together.
For these lovers, nothing is sexier than undivided attention. They’ll crave sensual, extended encounters—think tantric play, edging, or scenes that last so long you lose track of time.. They’re also likely to be into intimacy-driven kinks, like eye contact domination, sensual massage, or mutual masturbation, where being together is the hottest part. For them, it’s not just the destination; it’s the journey—every single, delicious second of it.
Do: All dates represent an opportunity for quality time. Be mindful, put away the phones and focus on each other. But, if you really want to push the boat out (a very comfortable one for two with plenty of snacks, please) opt for something where you have each other’s undivided attention; a weekend getaway is best, but a London staycation is just as good.
Eat: This meal is going to be all about savouring. Taking your time, getting completely lost in each other’s company. For the ‘what’, I’d recommend something where you have to make minimal choices and can simply revel in some good conversation and even better flirting while delicious things are brought to you. Opt for somewhere where you can physically move away from the hustle and bustle of daily life. Rooftop restaurants are ideal for creating a sense of escape. Or, if you really want to escape, look no further than the iconic British Pullman or Caravel.
Physical Touch
And then there’s touch, the most direct, most delicious language of all. For some people, there’s no substitute for the brush of fingers against their wrist or the way your hand settles instinctively at the small of their back. It might be the oldest, most primal of the love languages, but it’s not about sex (although, let’s be honest, that’s a big part of it); it’s about the intimacy of contact. This language bypasses words entirely, going straight for the nerve endings. It’s proof, whispered through skin, that you’re real, and so are they.
These are the connoisseurs of contact, and their kink menu is practically limitless when it comes to the body. They might lean into sensation play—silk, leather, latex, ice, or wax—or kinks that prioritize the physical connection, like cuddling bondage, shibari, impact play, or breath play. Anything that deepens the physicality of your connection will send them spiraling.
Do: Visit a couples’ sensual wellness retreat, like those offered at Aire Ancient Baths, where touch and intimacy are the focus, with warm pools, massages, and candlelit settings. Explore a kink workshop together—like rope bondage, sensation play, or wax play—hosted in venues like Anatomie. Book a partner massage workshop or enjoy a couples’ massage, take a dance class together, or just go out dancing!. In short, anything where you can get your hands on each other as much as possible is a winner.
Eat: Honestly? Anywhere with a corner table and low lighting. Personal favourites include Noble Rot, Cloth, J. Sheekey, La Poule au Pot, Brutto, and Little Duck The Picklery. What happens under the white tablecloth stays under the white tablecloth. If you’d really like to elevate the experience, consider private dining, or even a private chef, or elevate your senses by dining in the dark. And remember: breakfast in bed is always, always an excellent idea…
The brilliance and cruelty of the love languages are that they don’t often align. One person’s IKEA furniture is another’s wasted Sunday. But the point isn’t perfection; it’s the effort—the trying, the failing, the trying again. Because ultimately, love is less a language and more a dialect we invent together, fumbling toward fluency one awkward phrase at a time. And if you’re lucky, they’ll meet you halfway, speaking your language with just enough of an accent to make it utterly irresistible.
The beauty of the love languages—and their kinky cousins—is that they’re all about finding ways to connect. And here at KLE, we’re all about connection. So: let’s?