Looking for a naughty night out in Soho? Who better than the legendary Estella Bathory to share her pearls of wisdom, as our very own independent escort London Guide. Just don’t blame us if you end up having too much fun.

I love a bar crawl around Soho – duck through the seedy sex shops onto Berwick Street and start the evening sitting outside at Violet’s for a beer or a surprisingly decent cocktail while you soak up the end of the day. I love this casual bar for it’s authentic Mediterranean vibe (I grew up in the Med and have a huge soft spot), and this pedestrianised Street in Soho is perfect for people-watching as the evening kicks in. A cheap and cheerful gem in a fantastic location. If you’re hungry, order some Hummus. 

If you didn’t go into a sex shop yet – you should. However they are open pretty late so you can go in later on when you’re drunk. Incidentally, that’s how I ended up with my small collection of German Piss porn & 80s porn parody DVDs. 

The sex shops in Soho range from ones filled with cheap novelty items, seedy as fuck dvd shops which feel like a good place to meet a flasher – and the three holy grails – Regulation, Prowler and Prowler Red. 

Regulation is your hardcore kink store, and it’s really fantastic, great toys and plugs, bondage gear, shiny metal chastity cages and ball crushers, e-stim, impact… I truly feel like a kid in a candy store in Regulation! 

Prowler & Prowler Red are fantastic too – Red has a fantastic selection of body safe dildos, in fact most of my pegging dildos are from there! 

For dinner you can remain seated outside in the summer months by checking out one of the many decent restaurants on Frith Street – I like Lobos Tapas, for small plates of charred padron peppers, people watching and a decent wine selection. I like to go to Tapas spots – give me a leisurely, lazy dinner full of gossip and gluttony any day. 

My real favourite in the area is Blacklock – down into the basement of this small London chain you’ll find a small yet perfectly formed menu. Steak specials scrawled onto the chalkboard, incredible sides – most notably the salad and the coal charred sweet potatoes that are slow cooked overnight. The staff are friendly and fun and the playlist is strictly 80s pop. I’m a huge fan. Compared to my other favourite steak restaurants in London like Hawksmoor, Gaucho or Smith & Wolensky – Blacklock is relaxed, and incredible quality food for a fraction of the price. 

For a real fine dining experience, Yautacha (opposite Violets on Berwick Street where we started) is a Chinese restaurant that my longest suffering suitor took me to – it is truly magnificent for lovingly crafted dim sum and cocktails. You won’t want to skip the dessert either – everything on the menu is truly impressive.  Speaking of Asian food, but far on the other end of the budget spectrum.. I love the Malaysian restaurant Rasa Sayang. Ive been loyal to them for many years, and I dream of their beef rendang.

An evening in Soho isn’t complete without getting on one of those famous gaudy rickshaws. Dubbed a tourist trap by many, I don’t give a fuck. I choose the one with the most fake fur and lights, and make sure they’ll let me blast my own choice of music through the speaker (usually Alice Cooper). These are great fun to get to the station for your train home, or if your evening doesn’t finish there – get you to another location.. 

Sticking in Soho for live music in a historic London location, Jazz after Dark, or as I usually refer to it – The Amy Winehouse bar. This hole in the wall is adorned by paintings by the owner, Sam Shaker – mostly of Amy Winehouse, who used to work there and was a close personal friend. Muted TVs play her live shows like a sports bar, and laminated adverts for his ebooks are dotted inbetween the huge oil paintings. The theme is clear, she is his muse, and this bar is a beautiful shrine to her that still serves the community with incredible live music from tons of musicians every night. The owners are hands on, running around – and if you catch him on a good day, Sam will talk to you about his art, and Amy. 

I’d stick to the beers at Jazz after Dark, as they offer more atmosphere than mixology – but if you simply must have a good quality cocktail head to Louche a few doors up. It’s luxuriously sexy, moody, and the cocktails are incredible.

If we’re talking cocktails, I simply can’t not mention my date secret weapon. Rooms by the Hour – hidden under Pix, a very decent Tapas spot – lies a retro porn cinema that’s been restored into a handful of intimate little booths. You ring the bell for service and your cocktails are delivered through a little hatch to maintain your privacy. Unfortunately, the film selection is not very steamy at all… Emanuelle and The Rocky Horror Picture Show being 2 of the options. You can’t hear the films either. Although I know every line to Rocky Horror – if I’m in a retro porn cinema, I’d rather be watching porn. 

If you’re staying over. The Sanctum hotel offers an oasis of impeccably sexy rooms. Let’s admit it – this is a horny hotel. This was designed for people to have sex in. The Sanctum makes me feel like I’ve stumbled out of the Playboy club in 1977 and I’m about to snort cocaine off a hooker’s asshole, before watching her eat my cunt in the comically huge mirror at the end of the bed. If you book the Sanctum, you’ve probably got some exceedingly filthy plans.. Speaking of which – if anyone fancies heading there soon, drop me a line…