There’s nothing quite like it. Whether I’m resting awkwardly over the knee of a companion, on all fours with my back arched, or strung up to the St Andrews Cross, one thing remains constant – the intense feeling of vulnerability and intimacy that spanking invokes.
Many of my lovers had never experienced the heady joy of dishing out a spanking before meeting me and were often nervous. I’m pleased to say that It’s not difficult at all to deliver an earth-shakingly erotic spanking, as long as you communicate – and most importantly, allow your lover to communicate.
Consent and feedback
By far the most important thing to remember is that consent and communication are key to exhilarating sexual experiences. It can feel awkward at first, particularly if vocalising things in sexual situations is new to you, but trust me – it gets a lot easier very quickly with practice! Spend some time at the beginning of the session discussing your limits, preferred implements, and safe words/systems so that everybody is on the same page.
Safe words are a hugely important part of kinky play; having one in place gives both of you the freedom to enjoy the session in whatever way that may be. I tend to be quite vocal during spankings, so for me, having a safe word allows me to emote freely without worrying that my companion will ease off before I want them to. The ‘traffic light’ system can be very useful when playing with a new friend – check in regularly by asking them to state a colour (as a guide: green means everything is great, amber means that you’re having fun but you don’t want to go any harder, and red means stop everything) so you can gauge how things are going for them
Not all submissives are masochists
A masochist Is a person who derives sexual pleasure from experiencing pain. However, this isn’t always the case – at least not in such black and white terms. Many of us get off on working hard for our lovers, relishing the feeling of submitting yourself to something uncomfortable in order to please. Pain can absolutely come into that, but it’s always best to take some time to get to know what motivates your playmate before indulging in any kind of pain play.
I can take a pretty firm and prolonged spanking, but warm ups are extremely important. Start with your bare hand, and gently spank the buttocks and thighs in a way that won’t hurt them – this brings the blood to the surface and ramps up the psychological anticipation. Then you can begin to build intensity, gleefully watching them drift into their fuzzy, happy place. Take breaks throughout, to run your fingertips across their hot, pink skin. Going in hard from the off can be highly unpleasant, and whilst every submissive is different, we can generally take more (and for longer) when we’ve been slowly warmed up first. I can’t speak for other submissives, but for me, the most sublime spankings are those that make me ache for more.
No matter how experienced your submissive is, it’s likely that she will need a little time to come down from the adrenaline rush that spanking delivers. Subspace is a gorgeous place to be, but what goes up must come down, and she may need some TLC. If they are restrained, now is the time to loosen their shackles and allow them to stretch out and get comfortable. Talk about what you both liked, and what you didn’t like, and bask in the glow together.